There are millions of us out there suffering from anxiety. Some chose to get help, others chose to cope with it on there own, and the rest don’t even know they have it. I was one of those that didn’t even know they had it up until a few years ago. The feeling of always being on your toes, feeling like you always have an unfinished task, or stressing about a future social event. Sometimes I feel anxious and don’t even understand why. There have been plenty of times I’d breakdown and cry over nothing.
I first noticed something wasn’t right when I would have to speak up in class or do a presentation. I just figured everyone felt the same way as me. It got worse over time, where I’d get so nervous I’d feel like I was going to pass out, shaking uncontrollably, sweating. The more I tried to calm myself down in my head, the more I’d get myself worked up. This continued throughout college and every time I’d try to find a way out of ever presenting anything in class. I’d rather take off a significant amount of points just so I didn’t have to go through with those few minutes of horror. This may sound ridiculous to some people, it even sounds ridiculous to me now that I’m typing it, but it’s something that can not be controlled in my head. The only time I felt a sigh of relief was when I left a social environment or knew I didn’t have to leave the house for a few days.
I started dating my boyfriend, Alex, in December of 2018. He suffers from some of the same things I do, but a little different and when I first found out I thought “okay, no big deal.” Well I didn’t realize the severity of it until we progressed further in our relationship. He really opened my eyes to the world of mental illness and clarified a lot of things for me. Over time I would have discussions with him about these anxious feelings I’d get and then eventually, I had my first actual breakdown in front of him. He finally said to me “Jaimie, you definitely have anxiety and that’s okay.” It was as if I just had flashbacks to all those times in my past when I’d freak out and not understand why. As if everything was finally clarified.
Growing up, my family never talked about our feelings or our flaws. So I never felt comfortable to have a serious conversation with them and open up about what I was feeling inside. I always thought they would make fun of me or just brush it off like it was nothing. Alex made me feel comfortable talking about it. We’re very open with our feelings and communication is key in our relationship. It was something I had to adjust to because I wasn’t used to it. He wants to know how I’m feeling everyday or how I’m coping with my anxiety. He knows little things will set it off and when that happens he consoles me and does what he can to calm me down.
Now That I Know
Being aware of this now has been relieving and stressful. Now that I know, I try to find things to better cope with it. While researching coping methods, I discovered CBD oil. I use the Equilibria brand and got the daily drops in mint. There are no guarantees that this works for everyone, but many people have suggested that it helps them. I figured it was just a placebo effect and I wouldn’t become effected by it. I would say it definitely relaxes me and helps, but it will not magically make all your worries go away. A lot of bloggers with anxiety talk about this particular one and say the soft gels are a slow release, whereas the tincture is good for a quick absorption and best at bedtime. I think I’ll give the soft gels a go next time I make a purchase from them and I’ll report back with my results.
Years before I even discovered I had anxiety, working out always has been a passion of mine. Every time I would finish a workout I’d feel overall happier and in better spirits. I started to do yoga which was a game changer for me. I would spend hours in my bedroom trying to master these poses that looked almost impossible. It was definitely something I looked forward to and would put my mind at ease for a while. I don’t do yoga as much anymore, but instead I started lifting with a steady workout plan. This has helped my anxiety and also helped the way I feel about myself. I always had issues gaining weight so I’ve been relatively thin all my life. Working out heavier helped my body fill out more to where I look in the mirror and don’t say “ew” (as much) anymore.
Having anxiety is normal. I used to look at it like “what’s wrong with me?” To this day, even thinking about going to the grocery store makes my heart start racing. Walking into the same class, with the same people 3 days a week never gets easier. I have my sisters wedding in 6 months and for the past 2 years I have been stressing out about giving my MOH speech in front of everyone. I don’t want to live this way anymore. Anxiety will always follow me wherever I go, but it all comes down to how I want to deal with it. Am I going to let anxiety run my life forever? Am I going to decline every social event I get invited to just because I’m anxious? I’m going to keep fighting and try to find that miracle cure.
If you ever feel you have no one to talk to about your anxiety, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re all in this together! I I would love to have a conversation that can help us all share our feelings. Anxiety sucks! Lets help one another ❤️ What helped you with anxiety?