If you’ve been following along with my blog you know I’ve been dating my SO, Alex for over 2 years now. If you’re new here and are interested in reading how we met, here’s the link for that. Being with Alex made me realize a lot. It made me realize a lot of positives about myself and a lot of negatives. This allowed me to work on being a better partner as well as a better person in general. For starters, I never realized how truly stubborn I was and it’s still something that I’m working on. It’s important to come to terms with things about yourself no matter how hard it may be because you can’t fix it until you recognize it. This year especially has been one big revelation about myself. I realized I have a lot about myself I need to work on to be the best version of myself I can.
There will be times your partner is driving you bananas. Patience is key. When you spend so much time with a person for so long, it’s going to take a toll on you. It’s normal. Sometimes I need my space and I have to go into another room, clean, or talk to someone else besides my SO. That’s okay! Find something to do that brings you joy and relaxes you. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day, I want to be by myself and listen to music and pretty much just shut everything and everyone out for an hour or so. I know if I’m in a mood, I’m going to project that negativity onto my partner and that’s not fair. So the best thing for me is to remove myself and relax until I feel better. Don’t give up on each other. Work it out!
I mean who wants to be around someone who’s always moody and mean? I went through a phase where I found I was always being nasty to Alex because I was upset with myself and how my life was going. I projected that meanness onto him and he began to adapt it and act the same. I started to really work on how I spoke to others and found a way to improve it. No one wants to be around a mean person anyway.
Be the complete opposite of stubborn. I was the most stubborn individual (thanks mom) until Alex came along. This is the trait I’m still working on because it’s extremely hard to get out of your own ways. I used to be so bad that I couldn’t see my wrongdoings. I was blind. Our fights would get nowhere because I wouldn’t budge on my views. I started to review over all the fights we had and pretty much dissect them. I found that I would take no responsibilities for my actions and put the blame on him. If he didn’t say exactly what I wanted to hear, the fights would continue. Looking back, I can’t believe how hard-headed I used to be. Now we can have a disagreement, see each other’s points, and come to a mutual, calm conclusion on them.
I’m definitely the cleaner in the house so I can’t tell you how happy it made me when Alex decided to get up one morning and do the dishes without having me ask him to. It made my entire day. I try to do anything I can to make Alex’s days less strenuous so he can relax. I make sure he always has a clean house to come home to and I’ll cook him food whenever I can so he doesn’t have to. My goal is to be as helpful as I can in my relationship so I can make my partner as less stressed as possible.
Growing up, my family would never apologize. It was always move on and that’s that. I didn’t know how to say sorry and always felt awkward about it. I would try to do what I was raised to do which was just ignore the problem until it goes away. Well it’s very hard to do that in a healthy relationship. I found that Alex would always say sorry and I never would. He would get annoyed and eventually he told me he didn’t want to apologize anymore because I never did. That hit me hard. I started to realize I was point blank just being a bitch. I had to learn how to say sorry when I did something wrong and since that realization, I can’t believe how much better I feel. It actually feels good to apologize and admit when you’re wrong.
This is by far the biggest problem in relationships nowadays. Social media definitely doesn’t help that and trust me, we have had big issues with this in our past. It’s definitely difficult to trust someone you’re dating in the beginning especially when one thing happens to throw you off. I’ve learned that trust is necessary in a relationship and generally the most important one. Going through your partner’s phone is bad, bad, BAD. I’ve learned that if your SO is going to cheat, they’re going to do it. That won’t be prevented by you going through their phone, it’s just going to cause you more stress and anxiety. I was making myself sick to my stomach until eventually I got over it and believe me I thought I never would.
I’ve found that I was incredibly selfish at times in my relationship. He would tell me he was going to do extra activities at his job to make more money and I would think, “well when are we going to spend time together now?” I would be the complete opposite of his support system which wasn’t okay at all. Thinking back to how I acted I CRINGE. That was because I thought I couldn’t trust him, but now I feel so stupid. I try to be his hype-woman with everything now. ‘You got a recognition from your boss?’ SO proud of you! ‘You want to coach another sport?’ YAY, you’re a hustler baby! Support, support, support that person like you’re making commission on it😂
There are so many things my love has taught me, but these are just the most important ones to me. I’m so thankful that he never gave up on me and loved me in spite of all my flaws. I hope this helps someone because this is exactly what I would have wanted to hear when I was struggling with the crazy. What helped you guys in your relationship and what did you learn?